Hoffarth: Aren't the Raiders and Las Vegas just a house of cards?

Las Vegas marriages can consummate in a flash.

A couple of dirty martinis, a shared Uber ride up the Strip to the Cosmopolitan, tracking down a notorious Elvis impersonator who can also notarize a license.

Bingo, bango, bongo.

Regrets, and aulments, often follow.

The Raiders’ bridal path to “Just Sin City, Baby” comes with more than a Circus Circus throwback buzz. It’s risky business. There are gambles with better odds worth taking.

When do we get to the part of the proceedings where, if anyone objects to this union, speak now or forever hold your peace?

Ahem, Lamar Odom, you wanted to say something?

Maybe the near-deadly combination of the former Lakers’ state of mind, a pile of cocaine, doses of a Viagra-like substance, prostitutes in a brothel dialing 911 and an estranged Kardashian coming to the rescue isn’t the greatest example here, but it’s the one freshest in our clouded minds.

Athletes who roll with tinted-window Escalades, carry black AmEx cards and have access to more horrendous piles of disposable income seem to have no fear when it comes to blowing their future fortunes in Vegas.

Young or old. Disciplined or immature. With the illusion that you can come out on the other side all cleaned up like Nic Cage in his Academy Award-wiing performance from “Leaving Las Vegas.”

(Sorry, spoiler alert: Cage still drinks himself to death in the flick.)

The downside, as we’re supposed to believe from the NFL, is the whole gaming influence that permeates the city and could compromise the outcome of a game? It could be tougher just to find 11 men to put on the field on any given Sunday versus an “Ocean’s Eleven” scenario playing out the night before.

It’s complicated. And, if you play your cards right, it’s also compensated, an upgrade to a high-roller suite that involves things one caot even pitch to the E! Chael.

You can’t get that kind of service in Irwindale.

A house of cards, Silver and Blackjack approach to all this would uphold the Raiders’ roguish state of mind and tawdry tradition. But just be careful what you might wish for.

Al Davis’ kid has got to be kidding himself if he thinks doubling down on a stadium with a legendary hotel owner and Becks the business man is not going to become another “Hangover” sequel.

Advertisement

Cue Mike Tyson.

• “If we give them an offer they can’t refuse, and that’s what we’re talking about, I don’t see a problem,” Mark Davis said at a Thursday press conference at a Las Vegas tourism meeting before heading to the buffet.

So now Kid Mullet is quoting “The Godfather”? Davis does know how Nicky Santoro ended up at the end of “Casino,” right?

• Long, long ago, why wouldn’t Al Davis have manipulated Davis, Calif., into housing his team?

• Some have already sprung forth mock NFL drafts for spring 2018. With UCLA quarterback Josh Rosen, a projected two-time Heisman wier, as the No. 1 overall choice, assuming he’s had enough after his junior season. The Rams couldn’t have penciled that out? Shifted their picks around more prudently? Get by these first two seasons back in L.A. with what they had, building an offensive line instead, then invest everything in the local hero? Or is that the plan — groom Jared Goff to start by 2017 or 2018, see how things float during two unwatchable seasons, then have that first-round pick, a potential No. 1 choice, in their back pocket when the time comes for The Rosen One?

• Maybe Laremy Tunsil was just Skyping a late lab report for his Ole Miss Chem 101 class?

• Potential latest candidates for the Lakers’ coaching job include the obvious (Luke Walton), the college hot shots (Kevin Ollie), the college vets (John Calipari, Roy Williams), other usual suspects (Mike Dunleavy, Alvin Gentry, Lionel Hollins, George Karl, pick a Van Gundy) ... hang on a second. That’s a list we just found generated before the 2014 season. One that has Byron Scott saying he feels he is the “perfect fit.” Mitch Kupchak and Jim Buss can’t just pull this one out again and check off names? Or, are we just overlooking Derek Fisher on purpose?

• Notice how some of the stories on Dee Gordon’s suspension on PED issues have no qualms about pointing out that the Marlins employ Barry Bonds as a hitting coach? Or Gordon’s former hitting coach with the Dodgers was Mark McGwire?

• We probably propose this once a year now, but why not bring it up after this past week: Anyone still up for a straight-up swap of Yasiel Puig to Miami for Giancarlo Stanton, to put them in their proper region of interest?