Playing political football with women's basketball

As we reach the Ides of Women’s History Month, we tu to sports, because it’s March Madness time, which further means it’s time to hit the books to handicap the 64 teams in your aually vain attempt to win the office bracket pool, which (even further) our friend and, ironically, City Prosecutor Doug Haubert tells us menacingly is illegal and he doesn’t like our chances of maintaining our current quality of life in the joint.

Because this is a gender-biased world, when we say March Madness, you automatically think NCAA men’s basketball, even after we alerted you to the fact that it’s Women’s History Month. So, no, we’re helping you forecast the women’s touament. Are you with me boys!?

Making your picks will require a bit of reverse engineering because it’s already common knowledge on the street that it will be won by the University of Coecticut Lady Huskies again, so keep that in mind. Also Notre Dame, Holy Mother Church will be the last team to lose to UCo.

Generally, you’ve gotta use your head while filling out your bracket, but also your heart. Kansas’ Gov. Sam Brownback is the worst goveor in the country, probably, so we can’t allow him to feel any joy as a result of Kansas St. beating George Washington University. Similarly, we can all agree Jerry Brown is the best goveor in the country, hence, first-round victories, at least, for every Califoia school with the tragic exception of San Francisco, who plays nearby Stanford in the first round. UCLA, in fact, makes it to the Elite Eight, where they, unfortunately, meet eventual touament victors UCo in – and how is this even allowed? – Bridgeport, Coecticut.

What other states are we mad at these days? Texas, so bye-bye Baylor in a stuing upset by the U. of Idaho – this isn’t really going to happen; we don’t always get our way. The University of Texas will, similarly, beat Alabama State, but that’s not so bad. You kick anyone living below the Mason-Doofus Line and all Southeers howl.

So, bet on the Pac-Howevermany’s Washington over Pe and Oregon State over Troy (mascot: T-Roy!) of Alabama, Indiana over Georgia, Green Bay over Teessee and so on. And, for the love of God, Princeton over West Virginia.

Your good Catholic sports fan will insist that Notre Dame will beat Coecticut in the finals, but there are plenty of other games to discover who your God likes best, assuming he’s not just playing dice with the women’s sports universe.

A big problem here is a first-round match-up between Seton Hall and Duquense University of the Holy Spirit. It’s goa have to come down to what do you feel about Chris Christie, because Seton Hall is in Orange, New Jersey, whereas Duquense is in the harmless state of Pesylvania.

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One would hope you don’t think overly lofty thoughts about Chris Christie, other than the understandable deep sympathy for his obvious deep regret for getting caught doing whatever it is that Donald Trump’s investigators found him doing.

We didn’t cover the entire touament. Some things you have to figure out for yourself.